As Summer Was Just Beginning
by The Raw Onion
Summary: Seto has been changing lately, changing for the worst. When tragedy strikes, Mokuba begins blaming himself for his big brother's changes. He is starting to have to make choices no child should have to make...
1. Chapter 1

As Summer Was Just Beginning

By:_ The Raw Onion_

Cool sunlight poured into Mokuba Kaiba's bedroom. Unfortunately, he did not want to wake up. It was the last day of school, though, so this would be the last time in three months that he would have to be up at six-thirty in the morning.

Mokuba stretched. He hit the button on his alarm with all his might and it stopped beeping immediately.

The elder Kaiba brother, Seto, entered the room.

"Wake up, kiddo; I have to be to work in fifteen minutes. If you want to get a ride to school, I suggest actually getting out of bed," Seto said coolly, barely even looking at his beloved younger brother.

Mokuba slid out of bed and nodded. His brother turned and swept out of the bedroom, leaving Mokuba to get dressed. As the younger brother did so, he thought about his brother's recently odd behavior.

'_Why doesn't he ever come in here anymore? He just…tells me to wake up and leaves._'

Mokuba remembered that, just a few weeks ago, Seto would come in, sit on the bed, and gently wake him up. He didn't even have to set the irritating alarm.

By then he was dressed, so he left the room and hurried down the hall, and there was Seto, waiting impatiently at the front door.

"Ready?"

Mokuba shook his head.

"I haven't eaten yet."

Seto's eyes hardened. "I'm in a rush, Mokuba. Hurry."

So Mokuba rushed into the kitchen, but couldn't find anything to eat. He rushed back out and shrugged.

"All right. Let's go."

Mokuba nodded. He was surprised when his brother took his own car, instead of calling the chauffeur. It was a good thing, though. Maybe he could ask Seto what was going on.

They drove in apprehensive silence for awhile. Finally, Mokuba turned to his brother as he pulled into the school's parking lot.

"Seto, can I ask you a question?"

The elder Kaiba brother sighed inwardly and glanced at his watch.

"Make it quick."

"What's wrong?" Mokuba simply blurted out, tears filling his pleading eyes.

Kaiba slowly turned to Mokuba. He narrowed his eyes and said, "I don't have time for this, Mokuba."

"But, Seto, you're always…angry…and-and…"

"Hurry up, Mokuba!" Seto cut him off, as he lost his patience, although he didn't sound as quite as annoyed as before. "You'll be late!"

Mokuba became livid. He stared at the brother who used to care so much about him, his eyes filled with hate and betrayal, not to mention angry tears, and then he grabbed his stuff and left, slamming the door behind him.

Seto leaned back in the driver's seat, rubbing his temples.

'_If Mokuba only knew.'_

That was Seto Kaiba's last and only thought before speeding out of the elementary school parking lot.

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Mokuba was in class before anyone else. He'd reached school at seven o' clock; class didn't start until seven-thirty. By now it was ten after, and Mokuba's best friend, a pretty little girl named Ashley Carson, entered the classroom.

Ashley approached Mokuba, whose head was in his arms.

"What's wrong, Mokuba?" she asked.

He looked up and shook his head, but she didn't leave. He simply became teary again and burrowed into his arms. Ashley bit her lip and whispered, "Is your brother okay?"

Mokuba shed the tears, head still in arms.

The girl heard the sniffles, and she put both her arms around the distressed boy and laid her head on his shaking shoulders.

Mokuba allowed her to do this, because he hadn't been touched for a few weeks.

Not since Seto changed.


	2. Chapter 2

As Summer Was Just Beginning

By:_ The Raw Onion_

Seto leaned back in his car seat. He was right outside the Kaiba Corporation headquarters, but there was absolutely NO WAY he could go to the meeting now. His emotions were starting to mix and swirl, creating a raging argument inside his head.

'_You need to tell Mokuba about your stress…'_

Seto shook his head fiercely; he _knew_ he should tell his little brother about everything going on in his busy life. The problem was, he _couldn't._

Seto lifted his left arm, and peeled away the sleeve. He examined the scars—the 'Scars of Defeat,' he called them—and dug into his pocket for the single razor blade. The only problem was, there was nowhere left to cut.

'_Fuck it.'_

The elder Kaiba brother drew in an angry breath and lowered the blade. It skimmed the surface of his arm, right over another cut. He cringed as the scab split in half, as the blood began to seep out of the open wound.

He noticed a few people coming out of the building, looking confused. Seto immediately pulled his sleeve back down and dropped the razor on the front passenger's seat. Then he pulled out his cell phone and dialed the number of the person holding the meeting.

"Barnes," drawled a bored voice.

"This is Seto Kaiba. I won't be able to make the meeting."

There was a pause. "Everything okay, sir?"

Seto scowled into the rearview mirror; he absolutely _**hated**_ that question.

"That's not relevant," he said shortly, and hit the 'end' button.

And then he jammed the keys back into the ignition and was on his way again.

His mind began to rotate with feelings again, creating irrational thoughts.

'_It would be great if I didn't have to do this anymore.'_

'_No one would really miss me, not even Mokuba, not after the way I've been treating him.'_

'_I mean absolutely nothing to everyone.'_

The last thought was harsh, and it lacerated Seto's heart. His eyes began to fill with both sad and angry tears, yet he felt absolutely nothing.

Seto raced through the roads, knowing what had to be done. He pressed the acceleration pedal as hard as possible, and let go of the steering wheel.

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The phone rang in Mokuba's classroom.

"Hello?" Mokuba's teacher answered. There was a lengthy pause, and the teacher gasped and hung up.

"Mokuba, may I see you in the hallway?" she asked, voice quivering slightly.

Mokuba lifted his head off the desk and headed out, giving Ashley a subtle glance as he passed her.

His teacher squatted down before him. Mokuba noticed her eyes had a frightened look to them.

"I don't know how to put this…Mokuba, your brother…your brother tried to…well, the doctors _believe_ that he tried to commit suicide." She seemed to await a response from Mokuba.

The younger Kaiba brother's mouth opened and closed. Other than that, there was no reaction.

His teacher stood. "He's alive, but in critical condition at the hospital. Oh, um…he's also unconscious; he's in a coma. They—the office staff—want you. They're getting you some transportation, so don't worry. You'll be there soon."

She awkwardly patted his shoulder and returned to the classroom.

Mokuba felt dizzy. And sick. He began to run to the office, which was just down the hall, luckily.

Along the way, a hall monitor, tried to stop him, but by that time Mokuba was holding back tears along with his anger.

"Leave me alone; my brother needs me!" he cried, bursting through the office doors.

The office was, unfortunately, crawling with people: cops, staff, even the principal. Mokuba suddenly felt overwhelmed, and he wanted to be alone…

So very alone…


	3. Chapter 3

As Summer Was Just Beginning

By:_ The Raw Onion_

Everything was blurred to Mokuba in the office—everything except time. Time was going too slowly for him.

He anxiously glanced around the busy place. Finally a man in a paramedic's uniform hurried in.

Mokuba turned his attention to the secretary, who said something to the paramedic. The young man walked to Mokuba.

"Mokuba Kaiba?"

"Yes, that's me…where's Seto?"

The paramedic swallowed, answering indirectly.

"I'm taking you to the hospital, as your school was unable to arrange another form of transportation. Ready, kid?"

Mokuba nodded, dazed. "Yeah. I think I'm ready."

The ride to the hospital was a semi-long one. Mokuba's thoughts spun around his mind, making him even more anxious.

_My big brother could be dead and no one would tell me._

That single thought echoed like negatively voiced words towards him. It was as if someone was blaming him for Seto's 'accident.'

Mokuba realized he was blaming himself for Seto's actions. **He** was the negative words, the angry voice in his head.

Suddenly the ambulance pulled to a stop. Mokuba snapped back to reality, and noticed he was in the parking lot. Both he and the paramedic fled the ambulance, and headed for the hospital.

Within minutes---seconds, it seemed---they were on the intensive care unit.

The paramedic had a quick chat with a nurse, who looked extremely sympathetic. She turned to Mokuba and nodded. The younger Kaiba brother took that as his cue to approach her, so he did.

"Mokuba, my name is Lily. I am your brother's nurse," she informed him, and then she turned to the paramedic.

"Thank you, sir; we appreciate what you have done today. Thank you."

He bowed to Lily and said, "My pleasure, ma'am."

The friendly nurse dismissed him by leading Mokuba to a room in the back. However, before actually entering the room, she turned to face him once again.

"Mokuba…you are very young. I am so sorry you have to see this. I do have to warn you of one thing, however. Your brother was found to have many, many scars on his left arm."

"You mean my brother's been…?" Mokuba trailed off in horrified awe.

"We're positive it is self-harm." Lily said softly and sadly.

Mokuba nodded. Lily nodded him into the room, and Mokuba entered.

Alone at last.

The first thing he noticed was the mound of white blankets. Then he noticed the bright scarlet lines against ashen skin. Finally he saw his brother, lying motionless on the bed. One might say the elder Kaiba could have been sleeping, but to Mokuba it was obvious he was not. That was the hardest part---there was no point in even trying to pretend.

Then he began to cry. Tears of relief, anger, and loneliness framed his face.

Mokuba approached his unconscious brother, wiping his eyes on his sleeve.

"Oh, Seto…" he whispered, tracing Seto's cuts with his finger. "I don't know why you did this to yourself, but don't stop fighting…if you are…please, don't give up…"

Mokuba sighed, still fighting back tears.

"I don't understand why you'd do this…right now...as summer was just beginning…"


	4. Chapter 4

As Summer Was Just Beginning

As Summer Was Just Beginning

By: _The Raw Onion_

Mokuba continued to stare. The cuts were almost too gruesome to glance at; it was obvious they were fresh. Mokuba therefore concluded that someone had cleaned them quite recently.

He was quickly awakened from his stupor by a commotion being raised at the front desk. Joey Wheeler, Yugi Mutoh, and Téa Gardner all stood there, begging the kind nurse to be let in. Mokuba caught Yugi's eye.

"It's all right…they're…friends of the family," Mokuba lied, though he tried to assure himself Seto would somehow understand the need for support.

Lily's eyes softened. "Technically I'm not supposed to do this, but you've been through a lot today, dear…" she paused and looked at the other three. "Go on. He needs you."

The younger Kaiba brother led them into Seto's room. He swallowed and turned around.

"How did you know that Seto…?" Mokuba trailed off, watching their reactions.

Téa was fighting back tears, Yugi looked solemn, but Joey looked…different, somehow. His expression was unfathomable, though his eyes seemed to be fixated on the red-striped arm of Seto.

Finally Yugi answered.

"Mokuba, your brother's almost famous…he's the richest guy in the city. You think that word wouldn't get around?"

Mokuba's eyes widened at Yugi's snappish tone, but to his relief, Téa stepped in.

"Yugi, he's probably been through enough today. He doesn't need to know that the entire _town_ knows about Kaiba's attempt!"

Yugi's eyes softened. "I'm sorry, Mokuba…I…I understand. It's hard to have a family member in this state…a state that's totally unpredictable."

Mokuba knew he was referring to Duelist Kingdom, to his grandfather. Without warning he burst into tears.

Yugi raced to Mokuba's side and swung his arm over Mokuba's shoulders, then pulled him into a comforting hug. Joey suddenly looked away from Kaiba.

"Mokuba, how long has your brother been cutting?"

Mokuba shrugged, sniffed, and shook his head.

"I never knew he did until today."

Joey nodded. "I've been wondering why he always wore long sleeves."

Yugi released Mokuba, who had stopped crying. He cocked his head at Joey.

"What d'you mean?"

"Face it, kid, your brother's an emotional wreck. He's got no other way to let out, or so he thinks. He's probably been doing it for _years_, the way it looks."

Mokuba blinked and Joey gestured him over. The child walked over gingerly, knowing that he'd have to actually do a little more then glance at the wounds.

"See these thick white scars by his wrist? Well, they're old. You can tell by the color; they're really faded now. And this puffy red cut, over here close to his elbow, is from today. It's obvious that he was cutting before he decided there was no other way out."

All the other people in the room stared at him.

"Anything you'd like to tell us, Joey?" Téa whispered fearfully.

The blonde said nothing at first. Finally he turned to Téa, and looked her deeply in the eyes.

"I got experience."

Mokuba felt a wave of emotions: first fear, then annoyance/anger, and finally sadness.

"Do you still…cut?" he asked.

"Nope. Well, I guess I shouldn't say no--I've only been good for three months. But I'm trying."

"Oh," Mokuba said.

Téa looked at the clock. "Wow, it's already six o' clock. Yugi, we should probably figure out where Mokuba's staying tonight."

The two looked at him.

"Mokuba, you think it'd be okay to sleep at my house tonight?" Yugi asked. "My grandpa's gone for the next two weeks, and I've got a spare cot in my bedroom…I guess you should have the bed; I'll use the cot. As long as it's okay with you, I mean."

Mokuba nodded.

"It would definitely beat going home."

Téa and Joey started to head out. Yugi stayed with Mokuba as he ran to his brother to give Seto a careful hug and a quick kiss.

"Love you…" he whispered before pulling away.


	5. Chapter 5

As Summer Was Just Beginning

As Summer Was Just Beginning

By: _The Raw Onion_

Mokuba felt extremely sleepy as he lay in Yugi's warm bed, yet he couldn't sleep because chilling thoughts about Seto's current situation floated around in his weary mind.

Yugi suddenly switched off the light, causing Mokuba's train of thought to crash. He sat straight up in bed and watched Yugi walk over to the cot.

The digital clock read nine. Time was really passing quickly tonight, at least right after he left school.

"Mokuba, I understand if you can't sleep. If you need anything, or if you want to talk, just wake me up. Also, if you feel like you can't stay in here any longer, feel free to go downstairs and watch TV or something," Yugi told him.

"Mmhm," Mokuba mumbled sleepily as he lay back down. "Thanks, Yugi…"

"Any time, Mokuba…good night."

"Good night."

For hours the raven-haired child lay awake, listening to the night sounds around him: insects outside, creaking, the air conditioning kicking in, and Yugi's occasional snoring. Finally, he took one deep breath, rolled over, and fell asleep.

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Yugi woke up at around four in the morning to tortured whimpers from the bed. He immediately jumped out of the cot and rushed to Mokuba's side.

"Mokuba, wake up!" he cried softly. As Mokuba slowly awakened, he asked, "Were you having a bad dream?"

"I…I was dreaming?"

Yugi stepped back, nodding.

"It seemed so real. S-so Seto hasn't…_died_?"

The older boy looked at Mokuba, shaking his head slowly.

"No. No, he hasn't," Yugi said firmly.

Mokuba flopped back against the pillows.

"I just wish this whole thing was a dream, Yugi. I don't understand why Seto would even _think_ about hurting—_killing_—himself."

Yugi nodded.

"I understand. I'm positive the hospital will help him, though."

Mokuba immediately looked extremely fearful.

"You mean, like putting him in the psycho ward?"

"Don't think of it like that, Mokuba. Actually, I doubt it. They'll probably just refer him to a therapist or something, so don't worry."

Mokuba nodded, but he looked dazed.

"Seto really is a…a…an _emotional_ wreck…" he whispered sadly.

Yugi sat on the edge of the bed. "Shhh. Don't think of him that way. He's probably got some reason for doing what he did. Still, you've got to understand he didn't mean to hurt you…he probably thought he was doing you a favor."

That was the thing Mokuba couldn't understand. _How __**could**__ Seto, his wonderful, smart big brother, believe that by dying, he could make Mokuba's life __**perfect**__?_

"Anyway, Mokuba, are you tired?"

"Yes."

"Let's try to get some more rest, then…it's only 4:30. Did you want me to stay here with you until you can fall asleep?"

Mokuba nodded.

"Anything I can do to help?"

The distressed child nodded again, and whispered, "Seto used to always give me a backrub…before I even went to bed."

Yugi smiled.

"You want a backrub?"

"Mmhm."

Yugi felt a pang of something, not quite sympathy, but a feeling close to that.

Most kids Mokuba's age probably would've taken advantage of their situation and Yugi's offer. They would ask for something unbelievably ridiculous.

Then there was Mokuba, who just wanted his big brother back, just wanted to feel Seto's arms around his shoulders…Mokuba just wanted affection.

So Yugi waited until Mokuba rolled over onto his stomach to begin. Once he was situated, the older boy started to gently massage Mokuba's tense back. He relaxed, and soon began making sleepy noises by breathing loudly through his mouth.


	6. Chapter 6

As Summer Was Just Beginning

As Summer Was Just Beginning

By: _The Raw Onion_

By the time Yugi's head cleared, it was nearly eight o' clock in the morning. He was tired, but his mind was seriously restless; he wondered halfheartedly if more sleep would even matter. As he decided that, no, it wouldn't, the phone down the hall rang. Yugi raced to get it before it would wake the sleeping Mokuba.

"Hello?"

"Yugi, it's Téa. We're heading to the hospital and Joey will only go if you two are there…I guess he _hasn't exactly gotten it through his head that Kaiba is in really bad shape_," she said the last sentence with such intensity and so deliberately that Yugi knew Joey was with her, "but I'm worried about Mokuba."

Yugi paused, and said, "He's sleeping, and…with the night he had, I'd rather not wake him up."

Téa was silent for a few moments.

"Okay, Yugi…did you want us to come over? Then we can all head over after he gets up."

"Sure. Just let yourselves in because…well, you know…"

The two friends said goodbye and hung up. After doing so, Yugi wandered back to his bedroom. He looked at Mokuba, then gently closed the door, leaving it open a little.

After that, Yugi headed back to the living room, alone with his distressing thoughts. The phone rang again; Yugi rushed once again to answer.

"Yugi Mutoh?" said a familiar female voice that belonged to Lily, Kaiba's nurse.

Yugi's heart jumped and froze inside him.

"Yes?"

"Well, we have good news. Seto woke up just a few minutes ago, but…"

"_What_?" Yugi gasped as his heart defrosted.

"Yes, but he is requesting _not_ to see his brother," Lily continued cautiously. "He wants to see you."

Yugi's whole body froze this time.

"All right. Tell him I will be there as soon as possible."

He hung up, and whirled around as Téa and Joey entered the living room. He rushed out, still dressed in pajamas and out of breath.

"Yugi, what…?" Téa began.

"I just got news from the hospital," Yugi said grimly. "Kaiba's awake, _but_ _he_ _doesn't want to see Mokuba…he wants to see me._"

Joey's jaw dropped comically, as did Téa's eyes.

"I don't get it either, but I need to get dressed. Will you guys stay here with Mokuba for awhile?"

His friends nodded. Yugi got dressed in record time and fled to the hospital by barely catching the next bus there.

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After he reached the ICU, he caught Lily's eye. She nodded him into the room.

Yugi suddenly felt as if five trillion pounds weighed him down. He no longer felt compelled to rush, but walked slowly to the door.

Kaiba lay on his back, staring into space. Actually, he was staring at his butchered arm with no expression and no thoughts, or so it seemed.

Yugi knocked lightly on the door.

"Kaiba?"

The brunette boy's head swiveled toward the door immediately.

"Kaiba, what's going on?"

There was a long, suspenseful pause before he spoke. However, when he finally did, Yugi did not recognize any resemblance to 'pre-accident' Kaiba and 'post-accident' Kaiba.

"I don't know what to do, Yugi."

Yugi went and sat on the uncomfortable overstuffed recliner chair next to Kaiba's equally uncomfortable hospital bed.

"Neither do I…" Yugi said quietly.

"I mean, I'm sure Mokuba probably hates me more than he did prior to…_this_, but…"

"Why would you think that is?" Yugi couldn't help asking.

Kaiba pulled his gaze off his arm and stared at Yugi.

"Just what do you mean, Yugi?" he said coolly.

Yugi sighed inwardly, trying to piece his thoughts together.

"Mokuba doesn't hate you; he never has. In fact, he's extremely scared. He didn't go to sleep until maybe two or three in the morning, and he woke up around four …he had a nightmare where you died, Kaiba. A _nightmare_, Kaiba, not a lucid dream."

"Mokuba hasn't had a nightmare in years, Yugi. Not since I traumatized him as a child."

Yugi jumped out of his chair; Kaiba had gone over Yugi's abnormally high tolerance level.

"Kaiba, you don't get it! You _never_ _**traumatized**_ him until yesterday! He loves you to death and he would fucking do _anything_ for you! And how did you pay him back for that? By giving up on life and trying to abandon him, that's how!"

The elder Kaiba brother just stared at him.

"…So that's how you see it, Yugi."

"Yes, that's how I see it! The kid has no one in the world but you. If you _had_ died, he would be back in the orphanage in half a billionth of a heartbeat. Would you want that, Kaiba? Would you want for him to suffer as he did six years ago?"

Kaiba looked away, grimacing.

"Stop it, Yugi. Shut the fuck up and try to _understand_," a voice came from behind the two.

Kaiba's head snapped to the door as Yugi whirled around.

"Joey," they said in two different octaves, creating a terrible, terrifying dissonance that would foreshadow what was yet to come to them.


	7. Chapter 7

As Summer Was Just Beginning

As Summer Was Just Beginning

By: _The Raw Onion_

"Yugi, you've got no right to talk to him like that. You've never experienced what we have."

Yugi glared at Joey.

"I've pretty much come to terms with that, Joey! No, I haven't ever _wanted_ my life to end. Could it possibly be because I've had countless close encounters with death itself _without_ begging for it? Plus, most of the times I was in those situations, it had something to do with Kaiba or you or anyone I loved and considered a friend!"

Joey's eyes did not soften, nor did they harden anymore than they already had.

It was obvious he was listening.

"My point is, Kaiba really is selfish. I never believed that until now…he always seemed like he thought Mokuba was…someone."

Seto looked incredibly furious now; his face was flushed red, his fists were clenched, and his eyes were flashing and seemed to stab anything they fell upon, which pretty much happened to be his left arm.

Yugi threw each of them a disdainful look and sauntered out of the room.

Joey turned away, burying his face in his hands and rubbing his temples. Seto Kaiba watched him fixedly, and for the first time, was unsure of what to say.

"There's a side of Yugi I didn't know existed," Seto finally muttered.

Joey shrugged, his eyes shut tight. "Yeah, I guess."

There was a long, awkward silence, but it was broken by Lily, who poked her head in the room, a concerned look on her usually gentle, sunny face.

"Everything all right?" she asked.

Joey nodded, as did Seto.

"Okay. Well, let me know if that changes," she said, clearly not believing what they were saying.

Seto leaned back, obviously stressed.

"You need to do it, don't you?" Joey stated bluntly in a defeated voice.

There was an aura of hesitancy emitting from the elder Kaiba brother. Finally he nodded.

Then he shook his head.

"I think I need my brother more."

"You sure? I mean, he's probably going to be really upset. Can you handle that?"

"Yes, Wheeler," Seto nearly snapped; he sounded simply impatient.

Joey sighed and picked up the telephone. He dialed Téa's number, and it rang for what seemed like eternity before her troubled voice answered.

"Hey, Téa, is Mokuba awake yet?"

"Yes…he just woke up about ten minutes ago," she said uncertainly.

The blonde ran his hand through his hair. "Can you bring him over? Kaiba wants to see him now."

There was a pause in which muffled voices decided something.

"All right; we'll be there in a few. Bye."

"Bye," echoed Joey as he hung up. Then, he turned to Kaiba.

"He'll be here soon…"

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Mokuba couldn't believe it. Seto was awake.

He'd survived.

They both had.

As he and Téa rushed up to the elevator that would bring them to the ICU, his heart suddenly grew heavy. Seto would most likely not be the same.

_Obviously_, Mokuba thought.

Suddenly he found himself right at Seto's door.

Something was definitely different.

"Seto?" he whispered.

Kaiba's head turned slowly toward the door, extending his scarred arm; Mokuba just stared, shaking his head.


End file.
